


tonight I will make you mine

by holtzbabe



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, abby and patty are all of us, some fake dating garbage for u, we all know where this is going
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-21 10:52:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbabe/pseuds/holtzbabe
Summary: “Erin, I need you to be my girlfriend.”Erin, watching the streets of New York pass by through the window of the Ecto, snaps her attention to the driver’s seat. In the passenger’s seat, Patty bursts into a sort of coughing fit after appearing to choke on the air.Erin leans forward. “Um. Excuse me?”(or, Another Damn Fake-Dating Fic)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> More spoils of NaNoWriMo for you! This was going to go in my prompts/oneshots fic but then I decided I may as well post it as a separate multi-chaptered thing. Unbetaed like all the other trash I'm churning out right now. Enjoy!

“Erin, I need you to be my girlfriend.”

Erin, watching the streets of New York pass by through the window of the Ecto, snaps her attention to the driver’s seat. In the passenger’s seat, Patty bursts into a sort of coughing fit after appearing to choke on the air.

Erin leans forward. “Um. Excuse me?”

Holtz continues to zip through traffic, the sirens blaring overhead despite them being on their way _back_ from a bust. “Sorry, that was a little out of left field.”

“No, it checks out,” Abby says.

Erin gives her a look, then turns back to Holtz. “I’m really confused.”

“I’m sure you are,” Abby says under her breath.

Erin gives her another look. “Do you have something you’d like to share with the class, Abby?”

“Nope, I’m just eager to see how this plays out.”

Patty snorts.

“I need you to be my girlfriend,” Holtz repeats.

“Yeah, I _heard_ you…”

Holtz leans on the horn as she cuts in front of another car. “There’s this thing.”

“Real specific,” Patty says.

“It’s like an engineer-y thing.”

“You can just say ‘gay,’” Abby says.

It’s Holtz’s turn to snort. “No, really. It’s an annual conference. I go every year.”

“Okay,” Erin says slowly. “What does this have to do with…me?” She can’t bring herself to say the word _girlfriend_.

“My _fucking_ nemesis. Norbert Bottomley.”

“Norbert…Bottomley,” Erin repeats.

“Every year he shows up with an absolute babe on his arm—I’m talking gorgeous, intelligent, charismatic _geniuses._ He has dated some of the most prolific nuclear physicists and engineers in the _world._ Of every gender. It’s _unfair.”_

“I think I’m seeing where this is going,” Abby says.

“I’m not,” Erin says.

Holtz meets her eyes in the rear view mirror. “I want to show him up this year. I need you to come with me and pretend to be my girlfriend.”

Erin’s mouth is dry. “Are you serious?”

“Serious as the entire city getting instantaneously swallowed up into another dimension if this car gets above 300 degrees Kelvin.”

Patty looks at her sharply. “Could that happen?”

“That’s only like 80 degrees Fahrenheit,” Abby says.

“Don’t worry about it,” Holtz says.

Erin squints at her. “So…let me get this straight. You want me to go to an engineering conference with you? And pretend to be your girlfriend? To show up this guy? But…I’m not…”

“A gorgeous, intelligent, charismatic genius? Of course you are. That’s why I picked you.”

“Not what I was going to say,” Erin mutters.

Holtz glances at her in the mirror again. “What, not gay? Is that what you were going to say? Come on, Er, I’ll make it worth your while. I’ll pay you.”

“You’ll _pay_ me?” Erin shakes her head. “All I was trying to say is that I don’t think I’m the right person for this. I’m a terrible actress.”

“She has a point,” Abby says.

Holtz blows a raspberry. “Just consider it, alright? You’d really be helping me out.”

Erin sits back in her seat. “When is it?”

“Friday.”

“ _This_ Friday? Holtz, it’s Wednesday!”

“Yeaaah, so maybe you could give me an answer by tonight? Just so, y’know, I have time to grieve and process the fact that I’m staring down the barrel of _another_ humiliating year of being taunted by Norbert Bottomley.”

Erin rolls her eyes at the dramatic tone.

“Fine,” she says with a sigh before she can think too much of it. “I’ll do it. But you owe me one, _big time,_ got it?”

Holtz’s face lights up. “Seriously? Oh man, Erin, you’re the _best._ Thank you.”

Patty twists around in her seat to give Abby a very deliberate look with raised eyebrows.

Erin lifts her chin. “What was that for?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Patty echoes with a smirk before turning back to face the front.

Is Erin going to regret this?

 


	2. Chapter 2

Later that day, Holtz drops to one knee in front of Erin’s desk, bowing her head and holding a piece of paper out with both hands.

“Your plane ticket, m’lady.”

Erin balks. “My _what?”_

Holtz lifts her head and smiles angelically. “Your plane ticket. They’re generally used for flying from point A to point B in a commercial aircraft.”

“Why do I need a plane ticket?”

“Didn’t I tell you? The conference is in Copenhagen this year.”

“ _Holtzmann.”_

“What?”

“ _No_ , you didn’t tell me that! That’s kind of a piece of critical information!” Erin snatches the piece of paper. “I don’t do planes, Holtz.”

Holtz makes a face. “Well, I don’t think we’ve left ourselves enough time to swim, unfortunately.”

Erin looks over the ticket. “Wait, we leave tonight? You said Friday!”

“I said the _conference_ was on Friday. It’s a 7 hour overnight flight and I planned for a day to shake off the jet lag when we get there. I have to be top of my game to face Norbert Bottomley.”

Erin shakes her head in disbelief. “How long have you known about this conference?”

Holtz gets up off the floor and sits on the edge of Erin’s desk instead. “Well, they always announce the location three years in advance, so…”

“Three _years,_ and you gave me a day’s notice?”

Holtz bobs her head, clearly not seeing a problem with that.

Erin grits her teeth. “Fine. I’m not paying for this ticket, though.”

“Obviously,” Holtz says. “Transportation, accommodations, food, registration fees, I’m covering all of it.” She shrugs. “The way I see it, you get a free trip to Europe and a pass to a pretty sweet conference.”

Erin stares at the ticket for a few seconds longer, then sighs. “Okay.”

Holtz grins. “I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“Flight’s at 11. Better make it 7.”

“You got it,” Holtz says cheerfully. She rubs her hands together. “Oh, this is gonna be fun.”

 

Erin leaves work early, ignoring Abby and Patty’s matching smirks and singsonging instruction to _have fuuunnn,_ and she heads home to quickly pack a suitcase.

It isn’t long before she and Holtz are boarding a plane at JFK. Erin grips her passport tightly. It’s only ever seen her through border crossings on a few scattered road trips.

“So, is this your first time on a plane?” Holtz asks as she lifts Erin’s carry-on overhead.

“Of course not,” Erin says tightly.

Holtz gives her a look over her shoulder. “It’d be fine if it was. You just said you don’t do planes, that’s all.”

“I’ve flown before,” Erin says. “I just…don’t…like it…”

“Well, I appreciate your sacrifice.” The words could be mocking, but Holtz sounds genuine.

She steps out of the way, letting Erin choose what seat she wants. She picks the window, not because she wants to look outside, but because she doesn’t want to have a stranger sitting on her other side. Holtz happily takes the middle seat.

Erin tugs the window cover down the second she’s buckled her seatbelt. She wrings her hands anxiously.

Holtz grabs them gently to stop her. “Hey. Don’t take this the wrong way, but do you want a sedative?”

Erin eyes her warily. “Is it, um…I don’t know how to ask this…”

“It’s a prescription from a reputable pharmacist,” Holtz says. “It did not enter this country _or_ my possession through shady channels.”

“You know I had to ask,” Erin says. The engineer is no stranger to black-market dealings—usually for parts and restricted materials for work, but she’s also been known to smuggle in everything from illegal energy drinks to hair bleach, both of which could probably double as paint thinner.

“Oh, 100%,” Holtz says. “You have nothing to fear, though. I got these from a real doctor. I do it every year. There’s no way I could get through this conference without them.”

Erin raises an eyebrow.

“Norbert Bottomley,” Holtz says by way of explanation.

Erin takes the pill.

 

Seven-odd hours later, Erin wakes up to Holtz gently nudging her arm.

“Heyyyy. You have to wake up now,” she says.

Erin squints into the light. The plane is bustling with activity as passengers retrieve their bags from the overhead bins.

“I slept through landing?” she says with confusion, rubbing her eyes. “And the entire flight?”

“Yeah, you were pretty out of it.” Holtz grins. “Welcome to Denmark, Erin.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

They make it to the hotel that the conference is based out of and Holtz checks them in to their room. It’s almost 2:00pm local time and Erin is starving, having not eaten since a rushed dinner the night before. She’s also eager to shower and get the airplane smell off her.

Holtz unlocks the door to their room and they step inside. Erin’s suitcase catches on the threshold and she gets distracted trying to wrangle it inside, then she looks up to see…

“There’s only one bed,” she says.

Holtz gives her a look. “Duh. We’re supposed to be dating, remember?”

“But we’re not,” Erin says.

“But people have to _think_ we are,” Holtz says. She gestures between them. “So, do we have to do the whole ‘I’ll sleep on the floor so you can have the bed’ dance, or can we skip right ahead to agreeing that we’re both mature adults who can suck it up and share a bed for four nights?”

Erin bites her lip.

“You gotta stop doing that,” Holtz says, wagging her finger.

“Doing what?”

“Biting your lip like that.”

Erin frowns. “Why?”

“Well, it does things to me, for starters, but more importantly, I don’t want your lips to be bleeding when I have to kiss you later.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, _whoa._ ” Erin holds her hands up defensively. “When you have to _what_ now?”

Holtz’s eyes sparkle. “Listen, I’m not saying it’s 100% going to happen, but we _do_ need to be prepared.”

“For _what?”_ Erin squawks.

“You know. If our relationship gets called into question.”

“You think a situation is going to arise where someone says ‘Hey, I don’t believe that you two are a couple. You need to kiss right now to prove it’?”

“I didn’t know your voice could get this high in pitch,” Holtz says with mirth. “Relax. I’m mostly kidding. I’d never ask you to do that. All I really need you to do is be yourself.”

Erin’s heart is returning to its normal resting rate. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“It means that my only goal is to flaunt the fact that I’m dating _the_ Dr. Erin Gilbert. We’re gonna turn heads automatically, and you’ll charm people without even trying. All you have to do is talk about your work and, y’know, don’t tell anyone that we’re not actually a couple. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Erin repeats doubtfully.

“That’s it,” Holtz promises. “Well. There might be a few necessary instances of physical contact.”

“ _Holtz,”_ Erin warns.

“Nothing that I don’t already dooo,” Holtz whines. She sidles up to Erin. “Like, for example, there might be a little of this.” She gently loops her arm around Erin’s waist. “I do that to you guys all the time at work.”

“You do,” Erin confirms.

“Orrr, there might be a moment where I—” Holtz reaches her other hand to tuck a flyaway hair behind Erin’s ear. “I’ve been known to do that sometimes, too.”

“Sometimes,” Erin manages to get out.

“And it would only follow that I might…” Holtz leans her chin on Erin’s shoulder.

“I suppose so,” Erin breathes.

Holtz straightens up, releasing her and taking a generous step away, and clears her throat. “See? Nothing to worry about.”

Right. Nothing to worry about.

 

They shower and head out in search of food (and to take in some sights before the conference).

“Are you in town for the conference?” their server asks with a smile as she hands them a couple of menus.

Holtz beams. “Sure are,” she says, reaching across the table to cover Erin’s hand with her own. “Me and my girlfriend here flew all the way from New York City to be here.”

Erin chokes on her water.

The server looks down with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Erin gasps out, hacking away and spluttering. “It just went down the wrong way.”

“Don’t mind her,” Holtz says. “She’s a bit of a mess, but I love her anyways.”

Erin clears her throat loudly, partly to try to clear the water and stop coughing, but also as a warning.

“I will give you a few minutes to decide,” the server says warmly.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, Erin leans forward and pulls her hand from underneath Holtz’s.

“What was that?” she hisses.

“What?”

“Unless I was _very_ wrong with my mental image of him, that was _not_ Norbert Bottomley.”

“Correct,” Holtz says. “I’m not seeing the problem.”

“Why’d you have to tell her that we were dating?”

“Because we _are_ dating,” Holtz says loudly. She leans in closer, her voice dropping. “The game is afoot, Erin. From the moment we stepped off that plane. We have to commit to this.”

“Okay, I understand you, but there’s no reason our server had to know our relationship status,” Erin says.

“I beg to differ,” Holtz says. “I’m very proud to be dating Dr. Erin Gilbert, and that means I go around bragging to every single person I meet. It’s part of my character.”

“Your character,” Erin repeats dryly. “I thought we were playing ourselves?”

“Maybe so,” Holtz says, smirking around the rim of her water glass.

 

After they finish eating, they spend the rest of the afternoon exploring. First they wander Nyhavn together, taking pictures along the canal. Then they head over to Amalienborg to take in the palace and check out the museum.

After that, their night of travel catches up with them, so they head back to their hotel room and crash. Erin sits on the end of the bed while Holtz opts to kick back on it, and they watch the TV that’s mounted in the corner of the room.

It’s a very small room, Erin is realizing the longer they spend in it. The bed is pressed up against one of the walls, and the only other thing in the room is a small round table and single chair. Even if one of them _were_ to try to sleep on the floor, there’s not really any place to do it.

They end up skipping dinner because they ate lunch so late, and by 9:00pm they’re ready to fall asleep.

“At least we’re having no problem adjusting to the time difference,” Erin mumbles.

Holtz smiles. “We gotta get up bright and early tomorrow, too,” she says. “I’m the keynote.”

“Ugh, how early? Like 6? 5?” Then what Holtz just said catches up to her. “Wait, _what?”_

“Did I not mention that?” Holtz says, shit-eating grin on her face. “Whoops.”

Erin just stares at her, shaking her head. “What _else_ have you neglected to tell me?”

Holtz makes a face. “Welllll…”

Erin drops her head into her hands.

 


	4. Chapter 4

They get changed into their pajamas and brush their teeth, then stand at the foot of the bed.

“You have a side preference?” Holtz asks.

“Um.” Erin bites her lip, then remembers Holtz’s comment and stops. “No. Not really.”

“Excellent,” Holtz says. “I’m gonna take the side against the wall. I’m a roller.”

“A…a _roller?”_

_“_ Yeah. I fall off the bed, like, every other night.”

“Are you going to roll over and crush me in my sleep?” Erin jokes.

Holtz’s face doesn’t change. “It’s very possible, Erin,” she says solemnly.

“Um.”

Holtz winks, then takes a gigantic step up onto the bed and walks to the head, turning around a couple times before she sits down.

“Are you a dog?” Erin mutters under her breath.

Holtz winks again. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Erin stands there.

“You coming in?” Holtz asks, patting the sheets beside her. “The water’s warm.”

Erin makes a face. She hesitates for a few more seconds, then shuts off the light and gets into the bed with a sigh.

It’s been a long time since she shared a bed with someone. Years, even. She forgot how…cozy it gets in a queen.

Holtz slithers down under the sheets and lies on her side, propping her head up on her elbow and watching Erin. Erin tries to ignore her, adjusting the pillow beneath her head and folding her hands over her chest. There’s a stain on the ceiling in the shape of a rhombus that she can just make out in the dark.

“You freaking out?” Holtz asks.

“Why would I be freaking out?”

“Because we’re sharing a bed and aaaannnyythiiing could happen.”

Erin turns her head to glare. “Anything could not happen.”

Holtz shrugs her one shoulder. “If ya say so.”

Erin looks back up at the ceiling, reminded of something. “Before we left…why were Abby and Patty being so—”

“Suggestive?” Holtz fills in.

“—weird?” Erin finishes. “Do they know something I don’t?”

“I think we all know something you don’t, Er,” Holtz says with a smirk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You either know the answer to that question or you don’t. I can’t help you. This is your journey now.”

“What are you going on about? My _journey?_ What does that even mean?”

Holtz grins. “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.” She rolls over abruptly to face the wall. “G’night, Erin.”

Erin frowns, trying to figure out what Holtz is talking about.

“Goodnight,” she mumbles absentmindedly.

 

It turns out that Holtz’s warning about being a roller was the biggest understatement of the century.

She passes out instantly, loud snores fading in before Erin has even closed her eyes, and then proceeds to spend the next hour progressively rolling closer and closer, Erin moving out of her way each time until she’s hanging off the edge of the bed by a good couple inches.

“Holtz,” she hisses through the dark.

Nothing.

Erin tentatively reaches her hand out until it finds Holtz, then she pushes gently, wondering if she can coax her to roll back in the opposite direction.

“Why are you touching my boob?” Holtz’s voice comes at regular conversational volume.

Erin startles and pulls back, but she pulls back too hard and goes toppling over the edge of the bed and crashing to the floor (which mercifully isn’t very far, but _still_ ) _._

She can hear Holtz laughing.

“What the _hell,_ Holtz,” Erin says.

“Hey, you were the one touching my boob,” Holtz says through her laughter.

“Not on _purpose,”_ Erin says.

“Sure, sure.”

Erin stands. “None of this would’ve happened if you just stayed on your side of the bed instead of pushing me all the way to the edge.”

“I did warn you,” Holtz says. “S’not my fault. I only kept going because you let me. You gotta hold your ground.”

Erin crosses her arms. “Fine. Move over.”

Holtz scoots all the way back over to the wall and Erin gets back into the bed.

“Take two,” she mutters.

This time, when Holtz rolls over and touches her, she doesn’t move out of the way.

Then Holtz moves closer. And closer. Soon, she has one leg hiked up and slung over Erin’s body, her other leg tangling with Erin’s under the sheets. Her arm is curled over her torso, hugging her tightly like she’s a pillow, and her head is practically on Erin’s chest.

It’s also been a long time since anyone has held her like this. It’s possible that nobody has _ever_ held her like this.

“You better not be doing this on purpose,” she whispers.

She might be crazy, but she almost swears she can see Holtz smile in the dark.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Not surprisingly, it takes Erin a very long time to fall asleep. She expects to wake up being smothered by Holtz, but when she opens her eyes in the morning, the bed is empty. She blinks and props herself up onto her elbows.

“Holtz?”

Holtz pops her head out of the bathroom, hands knotting one of her trademarked scarf-neckties around her neck. “Oh, hey. Sorry, did I wake you up?”

Erin just stares.

“What?” Holtz looks down at herself. “Something wrong?”

She’s wearing matching slacks and a waistcoat, both in a striking deep plum colour. Underneath the vest, she’s wearing a black-and-white checkered shirt that has one sleeve rolled up and the other half-finished, like Holtz got distracted in the middle of doing it.

She looks good. Really good.

“No,” Erin says, shaking her head rapidly. “It’s just…new clothes?”

“Oh, yeah.” Holtz finishes with the tie and starts rolling up her other sleeve. “Fresh off the rack. That’s something else I do every year. God love a thrift store, but this is the one time when I want to look as good as possible.”

“Well it’s working,” Erin says before she can help herself.

Holtz raises an eyebrow. “Is it, now?”

Erin clears her throat and throws back the covers. “What time is it? When do we have to leave?”

“It’s—” Holtz checks her watch— “5:07. I’m scheduled to speak at 7. Need time to eat and find the right room.”

“So I should get up and get dressed,” Erin says.

“If you want,” Holtz says. “You could just go in that. You’ve already got the business-casual look down.”

Erin looks down at her pajamas and feels her face heat up.

 

She ends up throwing on an outfit that closely resembles what she’d wear to work on any given day (okay, maybe not every given day, but a day that they had a meeting with the mayor or some other engagement, maybe).

“Is this okay?” she asks anxiously.

Holtz is sitting on the edge of the bed and bouncing. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know, this is gonna be my first appearance as your…girlfriend.” Erin looks down at her clothes. “Is this enough? Should I put on something more…”

“You look perfectly Erin Gilbert,” Holtz says.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Holtz peels herself up off the bed and takes a step forward with a smile. “Always a good thing.”

Erin blushes.

 

They find some breakfast and then make their way to the large hall where Holtz will be speaking. The doors are still shut to the conference-goers, but they’re allowed in.

“Seats over 1,000,” Holtz comments.

“Are you nervous?”

“Nah.”

“What are you going to be speaking about?” Erin wonders.

“I dunno yet,” Holtz says, grinning with fire in her eyes.

“ _What?_ You haven’t _prepared?”_

“I’m gonna wing it,” Holtz says.

“You’re going to _wing_ a keynote address?”

Erin’s academic soul is horrified at the thought. She hopes for Holtz’s sake that she’s kidding.

 

She’s not kidding.

Erin has her face covered by her hand in her front-row seat, finding it painful to keep watching (but unable to stop). Holtz has spent the last twenty minutes prattling on about anything and everything, going off on so many tangents that Erin can visibly see every person in the room struggling to keep up. Some people have checked their watches multiple times.

Others, though, are taking frantic notes, sitting on the edges of their seats, hanging onto Holtz’s every word.

In between the rambling and the jokes and the stories about her chinchillas and the moments where she gets distracted by someone in the audience, Holtz is managing to say some incredible things. She has never, in all the time that Erin has known her, come across just as much as an eclectic genius as she is now. It reminds her of other lectures she’s attended over the years. A few physicists come to mind—completely, utterly off their rockers. Completely, utterly brilliant. Some of the best, most accomplished minds in the world.

Erin always knew Holtz was a genius, but this is unparalleled.

She gets a standing ovation at the end, and she looks surprised by it. Erin is the first one out of her seat. Holtz sees her and blows a kiss.

Once people have started gathering their things, Erin all but runs to Holtz.

“That was amazing,” she gushes.

“That was nothing,” Holtz says, then looks over Erin’s shoulder. “Don’t look now, but the living embodiment of pure evil is approaching.”

“What—”

“Follow my lead,” Holtz says quickly, throwing an arm around her to pull her closer and turn her around in one swift motion. “Well, well, well…”

“Hiya, Jillian!”

“Norbert. Bottomley.” Holtz practically spits the words.

Norbert Bottomley is a short, rosy-cheeked man who bears an uncanny resemblance to a garden gnome. He’s giving them a 10,000-watt smile, hands planted on his hips. “Oh, you know it’s Dr. Norbert Bottomley,” he teases warmly.

“And you know it’s Dr. Holtzmann, yet here we are,” Holtz says pointedly.

Erin clears her throat.

Norbert Bottomley turns his attention to her with a delighted smile. “And who might this be? I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of making your acquaintance.”

“This is my girlfriend, Dr. Erin Gilbert,” Holtz says with a smug smile. “Maybe you’ve heard of her.”

His mouth turns into an O. “Oh my word!” He reaches out to shake her hand with both of his hands. “I can’t tell you what an honour it is to meet you, Dr. Gilbert!”

“Um. Really?”

“You betcha!” he says. “Your work is _phenomenal._ I had no idea you were going to be here this year. What a stupendous surprise!”

Erin glances at Holtz and her mask of fury, then looks back at him, unable to keep from smiling. “Well, thank you very much. It’s nice to meet you too.”

He looks positively giddy. “Oh, you take good care of this one,” he says to Holtz.

“Eat shit,” Holtz deadpans.

“ _Holtz,”_ Erin chastises.

He isn’t fazed, just lets out a belly laugh in perfect likeness to Santa Claus. “This one,” he says, reaching to boop Holtz on the nose. “Always such a kidder, eh?”

Holtz lets go of Erin’s waist to claw at her face where he touched her. “How _dare_ you, sir.”

Erin clears her throat again. “Holtz? I think maybe we should, um, get going?” she says. _Before this turns into a fight?_ she tries to say with her eyes, but Holtz isn’t even looking at her.

“Oh, of course, I should stop monopolizing your time,” he says with another merry laugh. “Silly me. It has been an absolute delight talking to you both.”

“Thank you,” Erin says. “Same for…us.”

“See you around,” Norbert Bottomley says cheerfully with a wave, then he leaves them be.

Holtz is seething. “Did you _see_ that?”

“Uh, what I just saw is you being incredibly rude to a very nice man.”

Holtz looks at Erin like she’s just betrayed her in the worst way possible. “Are you serious?”

“Am I missing something? He seemed perfectly lovely to me.”

“Norbert Bottomley is my _nemesis,”_ Holtz reminds her. “You’re my girlfriend. You’re not supposed to question my nemeses. You’re supposed to back me up.”

“I’m sorry,” Erin mutters. “I just…don’t really see it.”

Holtz huffs. “Unbelievable.”

“I’m sorry,” Erin repeats, more genuinely this time. “Really. Next time we see him, I promise I’ll treat him like you just did.”

“Good,” Holtz says, lips turned in a pout.

 

They attend a few panels next, and it seems like every time Erin blinks, Holtz is introducing her to someone new. She can hardly keep up.

Everyone seems just as impressed and eager to meet her as Norbert Bottomley was, which surprises Erin. She knows she and the other Ghostbusters have made names for themselves in the scientific community over the past few years, but she had no idea this many people knew her by name. It’s astounding, quite frankly, and overwhelming. In theory, this level of recognition was what she was always striving towards with her career, but now that she’s here, she’s not sure she likes it.

“You’re doing great,” Holtz says into her ear at one point, hand warm on the small of her back.

Erin doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything at all. Holtz is right—all she’s really had to do is be herself. She’s not acting. She’s just attending a conference and discussing her work. The only thing out of the ordinary is that Holtz is introducing her as _my girlfriend_ instead of _my colleague_. Other than that, it’s easy to forget about the ruse.

What was she worried about? This is a piece of cake.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TROPES TROPES TROPES TROPES TROPES TROPES TROPES

Norbert Bottomley catches up to them at the end of the day with a stunning blonde woman on his arm who looks vaguely familiar.

“Hiya!” he says.

Holtz groans. “Kill me,” she says.

“Jillian, do you know my beautiful date, the esteemed Dr. Pernille Beck?”

Erin chokes.

“Oh my god,” she says. “ _The_ Dr. Pernille Beck?”

Holtz looks like she’s swallowed something sour.

“Hello,” Dr. Beck says pleasantly.

“Dr. Beck, it is _such_ an honour,” Erin gushes. “I’m Dr. Erin Gilbert. I’ve been a fan of your work for… _forever.”_ She shakes Holtz’s arm eagerly. “Holtz, it’s Dr. Pernille Beck!”

“I heard,” Holtz says.

“Pernille and I were talking about you two earlier and we thought ‘golly, it sure would be nice to get to know each other better.’ How would you like to accompany us to dinner this evening?”

Erin is about to blurt out an immediate yes—how could they pass up the chance to dine with _the_ Dr. Pernille Beck?—but she turns to Holtz to let her answer.

“Sure,” she says smoothly. “See you then.” Her tone is vaguely threatening.

“Wonderful,” Norbert Bottomley says. “We have a reservation at _Noma_ for 7.”

“Of course you do,” Holtz says.

 

Back in their hotel room, Erin looks at the restaurant’s website on her phone.

“This place is _really_ fancy, Holtz,” she says. “Holy crap.” She finds the menu price listed and exchanges the currency to USD, then balks.

“They’ll pay for our meal,” Holtz says from the other side of the small room, reading her mind (or maybe just seeing the look on her face). She’s sitting at the table, one foot up on it, sharpening her Swiss Army knife in a concerning way. “He won’t pass up an opportunity to show us up.”

Erin continues to stare at her phone screen, then looks up in horror. “I didn’t bring anything nice enough to wear here.”

Holtz pauses in her knife-sharpening. “Do we need to go on an emergency shopping trip?” She holds up her hand. “Don’t answer that. I’m making an executive decision. Dr. Pernille Beck has nothing on you at the best of times, but I need you dropping jaws to the goddamn floor tonight.”

Erin blushes. “I can’t help but feel a little objectified, Holtz.”

Holtz winks and swings her boot down from the table with a thunk. She collapses her Swiss Army knife and returns it to her pocket, then stands.

“Come on, Dr. Gilbert,” she says, holding out her hand. “Let’s go getcha dolled up real nice.”

“I hate you,” Erin says with a shake of her head, but she takes Holtz’s hand anyway.

 

They find the nicest store they can that’s still open.

“Can I help you find anything?” the salesperson asks warmly.

“Yeah,” Holtz says, pointing at Erin. “See my bombshell of a girlfriend over there? I need you to put her in something that could cause a thousand men to drop dead instantly if they so much as glanced at her.”

The salesperson doesn’t bat an eye, just smiles. “Of course.”

“I love Denmark,” Holtz says.

 

Twenty minutes later, Erin is standing in front of a mirror and fiddling with her hands nervously.

“What do you think?”

“I _think,”_ Holtz says, standing a few feet behind her and flat-out staring, “that I am _very_ gay.”

Erin blushes crimson.

“You look fucking incredible,” Holtz says.

“It’s just a black dress,” Erin says bashfully.

“Yeah, the dress isn’t the hot part,” Holtz says.

Erin didn’t think it was possible to turn any redder.

 

At the till, Holtz grabs her hand as she’s reaching for her wallet.

“I got this,” she says.

Erin frowns and looks down at herself. She’s planning on wearing the dress out of the store. “It’s like a $700 dress, Holtz.”

“I know,” Holtz says. “Consider it an incidental expense.” She rakes her gaze up and down Erin’s body again. “And one that I have _no_ problem covering, believe me.”

“Thank you,” Erin whispers.

 

“Do _you_ have something to wear?” Erin asks as they walk back in the direction of the hotel.

Holtz smiles. “Don’t you worry about me. I brought a little something.”

The _little something,_ as it turns out, is a suit. Black jacket and pants, white shirt, black tie. _Very_ well-fitting.

Erin stares.

“You have no business looking that good in a suit,” she murmurs.

Holtz’s eyes light up with glee. “What was that, now?”

Erin claps her hands over her mouth, unsure why she said that out loud.

“Careful, now,” Holtz says as she extends an elbow for Erin to take. “You’re doing an alarmingly poor impression of a straight woman right now, I gotta say.”

Erin’s face heats up as she stands, teetering on the heels they bought too, and takes Holtz’s elbow.

“Method acting,” she mumbles.

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself, babe.”

 

When they reach the restaurant, Holtz holds the door open for Erin and then follows close after, taking her hand as they walk. Her hand is oddly sweaty—maybe she’s nervous about this dinner.

Norbert Bottomley and Dr. Pernille Beck are already waiting for them at a table, and stand when they approach.

Dr. Beck flits to kiss each of them on the cheek and welcome them to the restaurant. Holtz pulls out Erin’s chair for her and waits for her to sit down before taking a seat herself.

“Thank you so much for joining us,” Norbert Bottomley says. “I believe our meal tonight will be goose.”

“Goose,” Erin repeats. “Great. That’s…great.”

Holtz elbows her playfully with a smirk.

Erin’s wine glass can’t be filled fast enough.

“So,” Holtz’s nemesis begins once they’ve all settled in, grinning across the table at them, “please, tell us everything.”

Erin lifts her chin. “Sorry?”

“Pernille and I are dying to hear how you two met,” he says. “It must be a wonderful story.”

“Oh, it’s wonderful, alright,” Holtz says. “Erin will tell it, right Er?”

Erin glances at her with wide eyes. “Um. Am I…the best person to tell it?”

Holtz pats the back of Erin’s hand twice and then flips it over on the table, interlacing their fingers. Her eyes sparkle. “Absolutely, my dear. Go ahead.”

“Right. Um.” Erin takes a deep breath. “Well, it was…a few years ago, now. I guess you could say we met through work. I actually went to her lab looking for someone else, but found her.”

Norbert Bottomley chuckles warmly. “Isn’t that always how it goes?”

Erin smiles. “I guess so. We started working together, and the rest is history, as they say.”

“Oh, there must be more than that,” he says. “How long have you been together?”

Erin looks to Holtz for help, but she doesn’t look like she’s jumping in to save her any time soon.

“I don’t know,” Erin says honestly. “I guess it, um…kind of happened naturally. Crept up on us. By the time we realized what was happening, we were…already together. And we had been for quite some time.”

She can feel Holtz watching her. She swallows.

“You make a beautiful couple,” Dr. Beck says.

“Thank you, Dr. Beck.”

“Please, call me Pernille.”

Erin looks at Holtz excitedly. “Dr. Pernille Beck just asked me to call her Pernille.”

Holtz smiles, but she’s still looking at Erin a little strangely. She releases her hand and Erin’s heart falls. Did she say something wrong?

But Holtz just reaches to take a sip of wine, then settles back in her chair.

“I am so happy you finally came this year, Erin,” Norbert Bottomley says. “After hearing Jillian talk so highly of you for so many years, you are just as much of a delight as she made you out to be.”

Erin freezes, then looks at Holtz. There’s a slight pink tinge to her cheeks. Erin has never, _never,_ seen Holtz blush.

“You talk about me?” she asks. “Is that why everyone here knew me by name?”

Holtz recovers and grabs her water glass, taking a long sip. “Everyone knows your name because you’re one of the most prolific particle physicists in the world,” she says, voice hard.

“But you do talk about me,” Erin presses.

“Obviously,” Holtz says, enunciating every syllable.

“Oh yes, we heard all about her girlfriend, Dr. Erin Gilbert,” Norbert Bottomley says with a hearty laugh. “It was all she talked about last year.”

Erin frowns. “Last year? But…we weren’t…”

“Officially dating yet,” Holtz cuts in quickly. “But like Erin said, we were together for ages before we put a name on it. I was just being…aspirational.” She glances at Erin, her eyes very clearly saying _go along with it._

Erin stares at her. “Right.”

That blush is back.

“So,” Erin says, clearing her throat and deciding it’s time for a subject change, “Dr. Bottomley, tell me about your research.”

As the night carries on and they’re served course after course, conversation becomes a little more relaxed, a little more free-flowing. Holtz seems to lean into the evening, possibly because of the wine.

They’re sitting back, full from their goose entree, and waiting for dessert when Erin feels it.

Holtz’s hand.

Holtz’s hand is on her thigh under the table.

Erin freezes. Her eyes dart sideways to Holtz, not turning her head.

Her fake-girlfriend shows no indication that anything has changed. She’s engaged in conversation with Pernille, her other hand gesturing wildly through the air.

Does she realize what she’s doing? Is it for appearances? Does she realize that nobody knows she’s doing it but Erin? Does she even _notice?_ Is it just a reflex? A mistake?

Erin grabs her wine glass and downs the rest of it. She’s sweating.

Nearly imperceptibly, Holtz’s thumb grazes Erin’s bare skin, just beyond the hemline of her dress.

Alarm bells are blaring in Erin’s head. She’s sure that all the air in the restaurant has evaporated.

“I have to go,” she gasps out loudly, causing all three heads to turn to her.

She pushes back her chair and stands abruptly. Holtz’s hand floats away so quickly it’s like it was never touching her at all.

She tries to keep herself from straight-up running to the bathroom. Once she makes it inside, she runs some cold water and tries to blot it on her face without messing up her makeup.

She takes a few careful breaths and tries to slow her racing heart.

When she’s calmed down enough, she opens the door and immediately stops.

Holtz is leaning against the wall, suit jacket slung over her shoulder.

And there goes the air in the room again.

“I was getting hot,” Holtz offers as an explanation, noticing Erin’s stare. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Erin blurts. “Totally. I’m fine. I’m cool. Everything’s cool.”

Holtz’s brow is creased. “You sure?”

“Actually, my, um, my stomach is a little…” Erin waves her hand.

Holtz’s frown deepens. “You wanna skip dessert and go back to the hotel, maybe?”

Erin’s really not sure if the hotel is the best place for them, but she nods anyway. “Yeah. I think that might be…a good idea.”

Holtz nods. “Okay. No problem.”

They walk together back to the table.

“I’m sorry, but Erin’s not feeling well,” Holtz says. “I’m going to take her back to the hotel. Sorry for skipping out early.”

“Oh, not a problem at all,” Norbert Bottomley says. “Don’t you worry—we’ll be taking care of our meal tonight.”

Holtz gives her an _I told you so_ look.

“Thank you,” Erin whispers. “That’s very generous of you.”

Pernille stands to kiss their cheeks again. “Thank you for coming. It was absolutely lovely getting to know you. We will see you tomorrow, yes?”

“Maybe,” Holtz says, helping Erin into her coat. “Thanks for dinner. Until next time, Norbert Bottomley.”

 

The second they hit the crisp November air outside, Erin instantly feels better.

Holtz notices. “Fresh air helping?”

“Yeah,” Erin says. “I think I just needed to get out of that restaurant.”

They fall silent as they walk. Holtz doesn’t try to hold Erin’s hand, and she can’t tell if she’s relieved or not.

“Why is he your nemesis?” Erin asks, if only to keep the conversation off of them.

Holtz is silent for a moment.

“He stole my research,” she says quietly.

Erin nearly stops walking. “What?”

“We used to work together. Ages ago. We were grad students in the same lab. One day I found out that he had published our research under his name. No acknowledgment about my involvement.”

“That’s horrible,” Erin murmurs.

“Now he likes to pretend that we’re good friends. I dunno how he looks me in the eye and doesn’t feel at all guilty that his career was built on my back.”

Erin hesitates. “He doesn’t exactly seem like a malicious person. Is it possible that he was just…a little mistaken about whose work it was? And he published it without really thinking he was doing anything wrong?”

“Bah, he’s a man.” Holtz waves her hand. “Men love taking credit for work that women do. That’s the whole point. They _do_ convince themselves that it’s their own.”

Erin considers that. “I’m sorry, Holtz. I’m no stranger to men walking all over women in academia. That really, really sucks.”

Holtz shrugs. “Whatever. I’m over it. I went and got myself a lady gang of ghostbustin’ gals who let me shine and be my weird self instead of crapping all over me and my ideas.”

Erin gives her a feeble smile. “We’re lucky to have you. We’d be nothing without you. You’re the best nuclear engineer in the world.”

Holtz smiles too. “Thanks, Erin.”

This time, she does hold out her hand. Erin hesitates for a fraction of a second, then takes it before she can think better of it. Their clasped hands swing lazily between them as they walk.

Still, it takes Erin a long time to slow her racing heart.

 

Back at the hotel, they change out of their nice clothes, Holtz slipping back into her over-sized pajama shirt. Erin must admit, she’s a little sad to see the suit go.

Which is…a normal feeling to have.

She takes her time getting ready for bed, brushing her teeth for twice as long as usual, biding her time. She’s not quite sure how she’s going to make it through the night if it’s anything like last night.

Is Holtz ever going to acknowledge the thigh touch? Is she going to pretend it didn’t happen? Is she embarrassed by it? Again, did she even realize that she was doing it? Is she just waiting to see if Erin will bring it up?

Erin’s not going to bring it up, that’s for damn sure.

When she can’t stall any longer, she shuffles back into the room. Holtz is already in bed, typing on her phone.

“Who are you talking to?”

Holtz’s eyes flit up for a moment. “Facebook messaging Patty. She wants to know how things are going.”

Erin shuts off the light and climbs into the bed, hugging her knees to her chest with her back leaning against the wall. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her that my keynote went well, and we went out to dinner with Norbert Bottomley and Dr. Pernille Beck. She said she didn’t know who that was.”

Erin smiles into the dark. Holtz continues to type.

“She wants to know how the fake-dating game is going,” Holtz says.

Erin swallows. “What are you going to say?”

Holtz types for a few seconds, then turns her screen off. “I told her that we haven’t fallen in love with each other yet.”

Erin’s glad for the dark. She doesn’t want Holtz to see how red her face is.

Holtz hands her the phone. “Can you put this over on the table for me? You’re closer and I’m cozy.”

Erin sighs but takes it and gets out of the bed, padding across the room to the table. Just as she’s about to set it down, the screen lights up again.

_Patty Tolan: lol have you told her yet?_

Erin frowns down at the screen. Told her what?

After a moment’s pause, she sets the phone down, then walks back to the bed and gets under the covers.

It’s not the message that she’s thinking about as she closes her eyes and begins to drift off, nor is it their dinner or Holtz’s hand on her leg.

It’s the dressing room mirror she thinks about, and the look on Holtz’s face behind her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erin that's gay
> 
> (also bless this fic for getting me first over 25k, then 30k words today alone. i haven't stopped for long enough to consider if this is any good, but you seem to be all liking it so something must be working????


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TROPES, TROPES, T R O P E S

When Erin wakes up the next morning, Holtz is actually in bed this time. Notably, though, she’s still on her side of the bed, facing the wall.

Erin resists the urge to reach out to her, instead choosing to direct her attention to the ceiling above her and the unsightly rhombus stain.

Holtz eventually rolls over to face her.

“Oh, you’re awake,” she says in surprise.

Erin rolls onto her side as well. “I am.”

They stare at each other, something palpable but unspoken running through the space between them.

“Your hair’s a mess in the morning,” Holtz comments. “Did you know that?”

“As if you can talk,” Erin says. “Have you seen yours?”

Holtz smiles.

 

They spend the second day of the conference attending more lectures and workshops. Erin tries to focus her energy on soaking in as much information as she can. It helps keep her mind off everything going on with Holtz.

Just after lunch, they’re talking to the speaker they just listened to, and Erin’s hand finds its way on its own accord to rest lightly on Holtz’s back. She doesn’t even notice she’s doing it until several minutes have passed.

It’s fine, she assures herself, because it’s all part of the ruse. It’s just her doing her part to not draw attention. She can’t expect Holtz to be the only one carrying this fake relationship.

Holtz checks her watch after they’ve left the room that the talk was in. “Anything you want to check out? We have some time before the next thing I want to go to.”

Erin takes out the booklet that lists all the lectures and events throughout the conference and glances through it. “Not really,” she says, not seeing anything jump out at her.

“You wanna go wander outside for a bit to kill some time, then?”

“Sure,” Erin says.

 

They walk along the street, ducking into the occasional shop just for the hell of it. In one clothing store, Holtz tries on an over-sized floppy hat that has Erin laughing.

“You’re so ridiculous,” Erin says through her laughter.

Holtz grins as she puts the hat back on the rack. “Hey, you’re the one who agreed to date me.”

Erin’s laughter dies off.

Holtz’s expression changes, frowning slightly. “Everything okay?”

Erin bites her lip. “Nothing. It’s fine.”

“What?” Holtz hesitates. “This…whole thing…is it getting to be too much?”

Erin shakes her head.

“Are you sure?” Holtz steps closer. “I kinda…feel like maybe I did something wrong last night, but I don’t know what.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Erin says. “I just…I don’t know.”

“We can cool it on the whole relationship thing if you want,” Holtz says. “I think we’ve already done enough to convince people.”

“No,” Erin says quickly, then searches for a reason to justify her reaction. “No, that’s…it’s fine. You’re right, we probably have convinced everyone by now, but we wouldn’t want to let our guard down and—”

There’s a rustling behind them, and they both turn to see Dr. Pernille Beck step out from a changing room.

They both look at each other, eyes wide.

“Hello,” she says, face concerned.

She heard them. She definitely heard them.

Holtz looks crushed, like she realizes exactly what this means. The jig is up. Their cover has been blown. Pernille will go back and tell Norbert Bottomley all about it, tell him that they were faking, that Holtz was only pretending to date Erin to show off.

Erin can’t let that happen. Not to Holtz.

So she does the only thing she can think to do. She grabs Holtz by the lapels of her coat, and she pulls her in and kisses her, hard.

Holtz’s shock is evident, but it only lasts a fraction of a second, and then she’s kissing Erin back. _Really_ kissing her back.

And Erin forgets why she started kissing Holtz in the first place—all her mind is focused on is the fact that she’s _kissing Holtz_ , and Holtz is kissing her back, and her lips are so soft, and her hand is resting on the side of Erin’s face, and her other hand is holding her waist, and they’re _kissing_ in the middle of a little shop in Copenhagen.

It lasts forever. It lasts no time at all.

Holtz pulls back, but not far. Her forehead leans against Erin’s. She’s breathing heavily.

“Wow,” she breathes.

“I am so sorry for intruding,” Pernille says behind them, a smile in her voice.

They spring apart, remembering where they are and what prompted this.

Pernille dips her head and passes by them in the direction of the till.

“You think she knew?” Erin asks anxiously, watching her go.

She turns back to Holtz, whose hand is on her face, looking completely dumb-founded.

“I’m sorry,” Erin says quickly, quietly. “I shouldn’t have done that. I just…panicked.”

“No, it’s okay,” Holtz says, equally as quick. “You, um. You…”

It’s like she can’t figure out the words to say. Erin understands. Her own head is spinning.

“We should. Get back to the hotel,” Erin says. “We don’t want to miss your panel.”

“No, we don’t,” Holtz says. “Um. Let’s…let’s go.”

Erin swallows and follows Holtz from the shop, passing Pernille again as they leave, feeling her gaze on them. She knows their hasty exit without buying anything is probably even more suspicious than their conversation, but there’s no time to dwell on that thought because they’ve already left.

They’re dead silent as they walk back to the hotel. They continue to not say anything as they find their way to the room where the next panel is happening. They take their seats in silence.

Erin stares straight ahead during the discussion, not able to focus on it at all, her mind racing. She can’t stop replaying the kiss in her mind. She can’t stop _thinking_ about it.

What has she done?

 

By the time the talk ends, she’s no closer to calming down. Holtz is still quiet.

“Maybe we should go up to our room for a bit,” she says finally as they walk aimlessly. “Talk?”

Erin is hyperventilating. “Yeah. We should…do that. Talk.”

They go up to their room. Once the door is shut, they just stare at each other.

“So. Um.” Holtz scratches her neck. “That, uh…that happened.”

“It was just to protect our secret,” Erin blurts. “That’s the only reason.”

“Right,” Holtz says after a pause. “It was…necessary.”

“You were right,” Erin says. “You said we had to be prepared for a situation like that. I doubted you, but…”

“Right, yeah. I did say that,” Holtz says. “You, uh…did the right thing. I think?”

“Do you think it worked?” Erin asks again. “Do you think she bought it?”

“I don’t know,” Holtz admits. “I’m trying to remember what we even said. If it was incriminating enough.”

Erin shakes her head. She can’t remember either. “I don’t know.”

“Well,” Holtz says. “At least…”

She doesn’t finish her sentence.

“Listen, Erin,” she says after a long pause, “I’m really sorry.”

“For what?”

“Dragging you into this mess.”

Erin frowns. “Why?”

“Well. You…you’re not…”

Erin thinks she sees where Holtz is going with this. “Gay?” she says quietly.

Holtz nods grimly. “Asking you to do this was…a lot. And putting you in a situation where you had to…do that…was unfair to you.”

“It’s okay,” Erin says quickly. “I didn’t…mind.”

Holtz eyes her.

“I mean—I didn’t…it wasn’t…” Erin stumbles over her words. “I just mean that…I don’t mind that I had to…do that. I couldn’t let this thing blow up in your face and get back to Norbert Bottomley. I’m sure he never would’ve let you live it down.”

Holtz hangs her head. “I would’ve survived.”

“Hey. I agreed to help you,” Erin says. She swallows. “I knew what I was getting myself into. I wanted to help you out. That’s why I agreed to this. I don’t have regrets about agreeing, and I don’t have regrets about…”

“Kissing me?” Holtz supplies.

They stare at each other for several long seconds, and then they both start laughing.

“This is so ridiculous,” Erin says. “What are we even doing?”

Holtz grins. “Wait ’til Patty and Abby get wind of this.”

Erin shakes her head, still laughing. “I can only imagine their reactions.”

Holtz’s laughter dissipates to a chuckle. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re straight, or things could’ve just gotten real complicated for us.”

Erin’s laughter dies as well. “Right, yeah,” she says, a beat too late. “Good thing.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

They have a much less eventful dinner than the night before and then they head back to their hotel room for the evening. While Holtz gets changed in the bathroom, Erin sits at the table in the corner and looks at her phone, catching up on all the happenings that she’s missed over the past few days.

On the table beside her, Holtz’s phone vibrates and lights up.

Erin can’t help herself, not after the message last night from Patty. She puts her own phone down and picks up Holtz’s, squinting down at the screen.

_Norbert Bottomley: I know the truth about what’s going on_

“ _Shit,_ ” she says loudly.

Holtz flies out of the bathroom. “What? What’s wrong?”

Erin drops the phone on the table and quickly looks up with panic, trying to hide the fact that she was snooping.

Then she freezes, her mouth going very dry.

Holtz is only half-finished changing. Her green button-up shirt hangs unbuttoned and open, exposing her pale chest and muscular abdomen, a black sports bra the only thing preventing her from being essentially topless.

Erin’s mouth is hanging open. Like a cartoon character.

“What’s going on?” Holtz prompts again. She takes a step closer and waves her hand. “Hello? Erin?”

“Your…phone…” Erin is unable to keep from staring. She doesn’t even think she’s blinked. Her eyes feel glazed over. She must look ridiculous.

What the hell is happening to her?

“My phone?” Holtz repeats.

Erin fumbles blindly for it, still unable to tear her gaze away. She holds the phone out.

Holtz takes another step forward. “That’s your phone.”

“Oh.” Erin’s hand pulls back, but she doesn’t make any move to grab Holtz’s phone instead.

“You’re kinda scaring me,” Holtz says, standing in front of Erin now. “You look like a deer in headlights. What happened? Did I get a notification or something? Abby or Patty? Something happening at home?”

She reaches past Erin to grab her phone from the table, leaning forward as she does so, and she’s _right there._ All of her. Right in Erin’s face.

Erin closes her eyes and tries to regulate her breathing.

Holtz must read the notification, because she swears under her breath too.

“Well, guess that answers that question,” Holtz says.

Erin opens her eyes. Holtz is pacing across the small room.

“Can you please cover up?” she blurts before she knows what she’s saying.

Holtz stops pacing, frowns, and looks down at herself. “Oh. Sorry.” She buttons up one button over her chest. It’s hardly an improvement. “Didn’t realize it would bother you.”

Bother her. Right.

“So, he…he knows, then,” Erin manages to get out, voice shaking slightly. “That we’re…”

“Guess so,” Holtz says glumly. “Well, we gave it our best shot.”

“Maybe we…could still save it,” Erin says. “If we talk to him.”

Holtz raises her eyebrow. “How?”

Erin shakes her head. “I don’t know. Maybe we can come up with an excuse for why we were having that conversation. Explain ourselves. We could still convince him that this is real.”

“Is it even worth it?”

“Yes,” Erin says instantly.

She’s not ready to give up this fake relationship just yet. Not when they have a chance to keep it going.

For Holtz, obviously. To save them both from humiliation. Her name is attached to this now too.

That’s why. That’s the _only_ reason why.

Holtz hesitates.

“Okay,” she says finally. “Let’s go talk to him.”

Erin pales. “Now?”

“Well, yeah. Before he starts spreading it around and telling the rest of the conference. We don’t have much time.”

“Right,” Erin says. “Of course. Let’s go, then.”

Holtz buttons her shirt all the way back up.

 

They try Norbert Bottomley’s hotel room first, then go down the hallway to Pernille’s room when there’s no answer. Erin doesn’t question how Holtz knows their room numbers. Sometimes it’s better not to ask.

After they knock on the door, there’s a pause and the sound of movement inside.

The door opens a minute later to reveal Pernille, a bed sheet wrapped around her bare torso.

Dr. Pernille Beck, naked. Dr. Pernille Beck, in the middle of…

Erin quickly averts her gaze, cheeks reddening. What is _with_ all these half-naked women today?

“Sorry to interrupt,” Holtz says dryly, “but we need to talk to Norbert Bottomley.”

Pernille’s brow creases. “But he is not here.”

Holtz opens her mouth to respond, but doesn’t get that far.

“Pernille? Come back to bed,” a woman’s voice says from inside the room.

Holtz’s face lights up. “Well, that is delightful,” she says with glee. “Now I’m _actually_ sorry for interrupting. We’ll let you get back to it—you wouldn’t happen to know where we’d be able to find him, would you?”

“The hotel bar, perhaps?” Pernille says thoughtfully.

“We’ll check it out,” Holtz says. “Thanks a bunch. Have fun!”

Pernille smiles and closes the door.

They walk back down the hallway.

“Well, that was, umm…unexpected,” Erin says.

Holtz chuckles.

 

Sure enough, Norbert Bottomley sits alone at the hotel bar, nursing a drink.

They come up behind him and each take a seat on either side of him.

“Good evening,” Holtz says.

He looks back and forth between them in surprise. “Oh! Hello!”

Holtz flags the bartender down and orders a beer for herself and a gin and tonic for Erin without having to ask. Erin had no clue that Holtz knew her drink order—they’ve only been out drinking together a handful of times. The fact that Holtz would remember a detail like that makes Erin’s stomach tingle in a weird way.

“Sooo,” Holtz says after she’s ordered. “We stopped by Pernille’s room.”

A pause. “Oh?”

“I’m sure you’d be interested to know that she’s up there having sexytimes without you.”

A longer pause.

The bartender sets down Holtz’s beer in front of her. She takes a long sip, then sets it down a little too forcefully.

“She was never your date, right?” Holtz says. “You’re just friends.”

The bartender sets down Erin’s drink too. She takes it and spins the straw in it absentmindedly.

Between them, Norbert Bottomley has his head hung. His chest is red.

“It’s okay,” Holtz says, clapping him hard on the back. “You don’t need to say anything. Now we’re even, right?”

“Even?” he repeats.

“Yeah. I know your secret, and you know mine.”

“Ah, yes. Your secret. You do not need to be ashamed, Jillian.”

“I’m not ashamed,” Holtz says. “Not when you did the exact same thing.”

He frowns and looks up. “What?”

“Wait,” Erin says slowly. “What secret are you talking about?”

He turns to look at her. “I am terribly sorry, Erin. Jillian is in love with me.”

Erin chokes on her drink.

“ _What?”_ they both blurt simultaneously.

Norbert Bottomley turns back to Holtz. “I figured it out. It explains the way you’ve been behaving towards me. You were only trying to cover up your feelings! My only sorrow is not realizing sooner—now we can be together, Jillian, like we’ve always wanted.”

Holtz lets out a wheezing laugh. “Are you for fuckin’ real, buddy? I’m not in love with you, I’m in love with Erin.”

Erin’s heart stops.

Norbert Bottomley looks back at her, face falling. “You are?”

“ _Obviously,_ you soggy piece of toilet paper,” Holtz spits. “She’s my goddamn girlfriend.”

Oh. That’s why Holtz said that. She’s still keeping up pretenses because it’s clear that their secret is still safe.

Erin is having trouble breathing.

“You are so fucking full of yourself,” Holtz continues, swiveling in her seat to fully face him. “The reason I treat you like the sack of rotting potatoes that you are is because you screwed me over back in grad school and published my research under your name. You’re a _dick_ and I want to make sure you know it. _Jesus_.” She gestures wildly at Erin. “Even I wasn’t a raging lesbian, you think I’d ever, _ever,_ in a _million years_ be in love with you when _this_ stunning, intelligent, incredible, dorky, thoughtful, kind, beautiful, _perfect_ particle physicist exists?” She breaks off from her tirade, face red, and makes painful eye contact with Erin over his head.

Erin is _really_ having trouble breathing.

“I love her,” Holtz says, voice shaking ever-so-slightly, still making eye contact with Erin. “She is everything.” Her eyes drop back to Norbert Bottomley. “And you—you are nothing. _Nothing._ Come on, Erin.”

Erin chugs as big of a gulp of her drink as she can from her gin and tonic and then slides off her barstool to follow Holtz.

They walk away, and they don’t look back.

 

The second they make it back inside their room and Erin shuts the door behind them, Holtz is already pacing, her whole body tremoring.

“Holtz,” Erin says, pain in her voice, one hand still on the doorknob behind her.

“I’m sorry. I got swept up in things,” Holtz says tightly.

Erin’s eyes track her as she crosses the room, back and forth, back and forth.

Holtz stops abruptly. She runs her hand through her hair and exhales loudly.

She looks up, eyes meeting Erin’s.

Then, before Erin can process what’s happening, Holtz is moving again. Towards her. Crossing the room swiftly, with purpose, determination set in her eyes.

She reaches Erin in a matter of seconds, and then she’s right there, pushing her up against the door, mouth warm on hers, kissing her roughly—with need. One hand is up on the door behind Erin, the other cupped around the back of her neck, pulling her close so there’s no space at all between their bodies.

Erin’s brain feels like it’s on fire. Every single nerve, every _atom_ in her body is on fire. Her whole world is on fire.

The room may very well _be_ on fire, because she’s quite aware that she would have not a single clue if it was, not when Holtz is everywhere, kissing her like Erin’s never been kissed in her life.

Holtz breaks the kiss and pulls back just slightly, then moves both of her hands so they’re holding Erin’s face, and she leans back in and presses her lips back to Erin’s once more, this time gentle, sweet, careful.

She pulls back far enough that Erin can see her face, her eyes, so blue that they almost hurt to look at. Erin lets out a shuddering breath.

Then Holtz steps all the way back, letting go of Erin entirely, her face clouding as she puts distance between them.

“ _Shit,”_ she says. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I _really_ shouldn’t have done that. That was a huge mistake.”

Erin’s stomach bottoms out.

“A mistake?” she repeats, ears ringing.

Her brain can’t form a coherent thought.

_Holtz, Holtz, Holtz, Holtz, Holtz._

That’s all there is. All there ever was.

“I’m sorry,” Holtz repeats again, rubbing her neck. “I’m really sorry, Erin.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Erin manages to get out.

“No, I do,” Holtz says, not meeting her eyes. “That was completely inappropriate. I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

_You didn’t,_ Erin wants to say. She can’t find the words.

Holtz gestures between them. “ _This,_ this is _my_ problem to deal with, not yours.”

Erin’s heart is beating in her ears. “What do you mean?”

“Patty _told_ me.” Her eyes are directed at the ceiling, like she’s trying not to cry. She looks back down at Erin finally. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” She hesitates. “I’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”

“What?” Erin’s voice cracks on the word. “ _No._ Please don’t.”

Holtz holds her gaze for a moment, lower lip wobbling.

Then she clears her throat and shakes her head once, like she’s trying to shake off her emotions. “Fine,” she says.

Erin wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what. Doesn’t know _how_.

So she doesn’t.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Holtz does sleep in the bed that night despite her protests, but Erin can tell that she never actually falls asleep because she doesn’t move at all during the night.

Erin doesn’t fall asleep either. How could she?

Just when she was on the edge of something, something important, a realization, Holtz yanked it out from under her.

_A mistake_.

How could it possibly be a mistake?

If that was wrong, Erin doesn’t want to know what right feels like.

 

They must both eventually cave in to their fatigue and fall asleep, because Erin wakes up tangled in Holtz again. This time, though, her arm is the one that’s wrapped around Holtz’s torso.

She inhales sharply.

The noise must wake Holtz up, because she stirs, opening her eyes and blinking.

She sighs softly, and it sounds like a happy noise.

Then she tenses up and scrambles out from underneath Erin’s arm like she can’t get away fast enough.

Erin feels sick. Is Holtz really that disgusted by the thought of them touching?

She guesses that’s that. Their ‘relationship’ is over, both the charade and in real life.

Why does the thought make her want to cry?

 

The conference winds down all morning, officially ending at noon with a closing ceremony.

“There’s a dinner tonight,” Holtz says as they exit the hall. “We don’t have to go.”

Erin looks her over. “We should go.”

Holtz shrugs. “If you want.”

“I want,” Erin says firmly.

 

They have a few hours to kill, so instead of hanging around the hotel, they go to the Botanical Garden.

There’s a mysticism to it, Erin thinks. Something special. She’s always been a fan of plants.

As they walk, she resists the urge to take Holtz’s hand. There’s no reason to—there’s nobody here from the conference that they know of, and even if there was, it’s not like anyone watching them would suspect anything anyway.

Still, though, she wishes she could.

She pauses, eyes following a twisting vine that climbs to the ceiling above them. Holtz trails to a stop beside her.

“What if I’m not straight?” she muses out loud before she can stop herself.

Holtz stares at her. “What?”

Erin continues to inspect the tangled vine. “That’s what you were hinting at the other day, right? When you said that this was my journey? You knew, didn’t you? You and Abby and Patty. You all knew.”

A pause.

“It wasn’t my place to say anything,” Holtz mumbles.

Erin tears her gaze off the vine and directs it to Holtz.

“Does it scare you?” the engineer asks, eyes calm behind her yellow glasses.

“I don’t know,” Erin answers honestly. She looks back overhead. “I guess I feel pretty stupid.”

It surprises her when Holtz is suddenly right there, wrapping her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

For the first time since arriving to Copenhagen, their touch isn’t charged with something. It’s not trying to be anything. It’s not _not_ trying to be anything.

It’s a friend, comforting another, and Erin can appreciate that.

“You’re not stupid,” Holtz murmurs into her shoulder. “Not even close.”

Erin swallows, tears pricking her eyes. “Thank you, Holtz.”

 

The awkwardness is gone as they walk back. The tension evaporated. It feels like they’re back to normal, back to how they were before they left for this trip.

It’s probably for the best, Erin thinks.

Back at the hotel, they get ready for dinner. Holtz wears her suit again, this time with a patterned shirt and no tie. Erin doesn’t break out her dress again, but puts on a skirt that she figures is probably passable. It doesn’t sound like a very formal dinner, the way Holtz has described it.

Soon, they’re ready to head downstairs. Holtz hesitates, then holds out her elbow for Erin to take.

Erin doesn’t hesitate at all.

 

Downstairs, the hall that Holtz gave her keynote address in has been transformed. That address feels like it was forever ago. Erin can hardly believe that only a few days have passed.

They find their assigned table and take their seats. Norbert Bottomley is nowhere to be seen, probably hiding in shame after Holtz’s speech earlier.

“Good riddance,” Holtz says, reading her mind.

They see Pernille, though, and wave to her across the room. She has an equally-stunning woman on her arm, who Erin recognizes as—

“Oh my god, is that Dr. Amélie Brosseau?” Erin gasps.

Holtz whistles. “Damn. Go Pernille.”

“Do you think she’d give me her autograph if I went and talked to her?”

“Not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna ask me if I thought she’d give you her number,” Holtz says with a grin. “The answer to both is yes.”

“Oh my god, she’s looking at me,” Erin says.

“You know, you’re cute when you’re fangirling over famous scientists,” Holtz teases.

Erin tears her gaze away from Dr. Brosseau with a blush, shielding her face and then peeking through her fingers. “Oh my god, they’re coming over here. Holtz, Dr. Pernille Beck and Dr. Amélie Brosseau are coming over here.”

“Deep breaths. We’ve already walked in on them having sex. I feel like we’re all friends, now.”

“Oh my god,” Erin says.

“Hello,” Pernille says cheerfully. “I believe we have the honour of joining your table tonight.”

Holtz grins. “Excellent.”

Pernille takes a seat beside Erin, Dr. Brosseau sitting on the other side of her.

“Hello,” she says. “I don’t think we have met.”

“Wellll…” Holtz starts.

Erin elbows her under the table. “Hi,” she gushes. “I’m Dr. Erin Gilbert. I’m a _huge_ fan.”

“Smooth,” Holtz says under her breath.

“It is very nice to meet you, Dr. Gilbert,” Dr. Brosseau says. She leans forward. “And you?”

Holtz salutes. “Dr. Holtzmann.”

Dr. Brosseau’s face illuminates. “Ah, from the keynote!”

Holtz clicks her tongue. “You got it.”

“Doctors Gilbert and Holtzmann are from New York City. _De elskende.”_

Dr. Brosseau smiles. “Ah, yes. I see.”

Erin isn’t sure what that means, but she nods eagerly.

 

They eat and converse and Erin has a hard time convincing herself she’s not in a dream. The chance to pick the brains of not one, but _two_ of the most influential physicists in the world? She can hardly contain herself.

Holtz keeps smiling at her throughout dinner. There are no under-the-table thigh touches tonight, but her arm is casually stretched across the back of Erin’s chair. Erin spends most of the dinner leaning forward onto the table anyway, but when they’re waiting for dessert, she relaxes back in her chair and Holtz’s hand curls around her shoulder almost like a reflex.

It makes Erin’s heart hum.

After they eat dessert, she leaves to go to the bathroom, not running this time, and when she gets back, people are milling around and socializing. Some of them have created a bit of a dance floor. Pernille and Dr. Brosseau are out there dancing together.

Erin returns to their table where Holtz is waiting.

“Wanna dance,” Holtz says.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Erin asks, confused.

Holtz’s eyes sparkle. She stands from the table and holds out her hand. Erin pauses for a moment, then takes it and lets Holtz lead her out among the rest of the conference-goers.

It’s clear that Holtz is inventing a dance of her own, full of overly complicated footwork and surprisingly poor rhythm. She spins Erin around and around, stepping apart, pulling her back in close.

They end up chest to chest. Erin’s heart beats fast.

“Pernille taught me some Danish,” Holtz says casually.

“Oh?”

Holtz licks her lips. “ _Kommer du ofte her?”_

Erin doesn’t know a word of Danish, but she knows the phrase instantly. It’s there in Holtz’s voice, the familiarity of it. It transcends languages.

Erin remembers the first time. There was dancing then, too.

They sway.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” Holtz says. “I know I’ve said it a lot, but really. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Erin whispers. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“Would you?”

“Of course. Free trip to Denmark? Getting to meet some of my heroes?” She pauses. “Spending time with you?”

Holtz smiles. She reaches up, carefully pushes a flyway hair from Erin’s face and tucks it behind her ear. “Not every friend would do something like this.”

“I’m not every friend,” Erin says.

 


	10. Chapter 10

The evening is over before Erin would like it to be. They bid farewell to Pernille and Dr. Brosseau, who they’re unlikely to see again before they leave as the pair are planning on heading out early the next morning.

Pernille hugs each of them. “It was so lovely getting to know you this weekend,” she says. “We will stay in touch, yes?”

“Absolutely,” Erin says.

She smiles and nods her head. “I wish you many years of happiness together,” she says genuinely. Something in her eyes gives Erin the impression that she can see right through them, that she knows it was all an act, but that she sees something real in them, too.

“Thank you,” Holtz says, reaching to take Erin’s hand and give it a squeeze.

 

They head back upstairs to their room, Holtz shrugging off her jacket before Erin has even shut the door.

“Well, I’m beat,” she says.

Erin nudges off her heels. “That was fun. I’m glad we went.”

“Me too.”

Something hangs in the air.

“What time is our flight tomorrow?” Erin asks.

“2, I think,” Holtz says.

They don’t say much else, just get ready for bed.

It’s starting to sink in that this is their last night. The last night sleeping in the same bed. The last night when anything could happen.

Once they return home, all bets are off. This game of pretend will all be over. They’ll have to get back to reality. Erin doesn’t know what to do with that information, but it fills her with disappointment.

She shuts the light off. They get into bed.

Holtz starts snoring almost instantly. Erin waits for a few minutes, just breathing, and then she slowly shifts closer so as not to jostle Holtz awake. She inches over until the side of her arm and her leg are touching Holtz, and only then is she able to drift off to sleep.

 

They wake up embraced again, but this time Holtz doesn’t immediately pull back when they wake up.

“You’re comfy,” she mumbles sleepily, head on Erin’s chest.

Erin swallows.

They don’t stay there long, needing to get up and get on with their day. They eat breakfast and pack and before they know it, they’re checking out of the hotel and heading to the airport.

At their gate, Erin’s leg bounces anxiously.

“It’ll be okay,” Holtz says.

“Will it?”

“Yeah. Planes are actually safer than cars, did you know that?”

Right. The plane. Holtz thinks that’s why she’s anxious. As if Erin had even been thinking about the flight home at all.

 

Once they’re buckled into their seats, Holtz offers Erin the pill bottle again.

Erin peers into it. “You didn’t take any during the conference,” she says with surprise.

“Guess I didn’t need them this year,” Holtz says. “I had something better.”

“Are you comparing me to a sedative?”

Holtz grins and bumps shoulders. “You gonna take one or no?”

Erin hesitates for a second, then closes the lid of the bottle and hands it back. “Not this time.”

She doesn’t say that it’s because she can’t bear the thought of sleeping through precious time with Holtz.

They talk for the whole flight, but not about anything important. Not about them.

When they step off the plane at JFK, it hits Erin. They’re home. It’s over.

She’s silent on their trip back to the firehouse. They’ve decided to check in with Patty and Abby before they go back to their respective apartments.

Holtz reaches for her hand at one point, then immediately drops it.

“Sorry,” she says. “Force of habit now.”

Erin wants to say that she doesn’t mind, but she doesn’t.

They make it to the firehouse.

“Finally!” Patty shouts when she sees them. “So?”

Abby appears out of nowhere, equally as expectant.

“It was a good conference,” Erin says.

Patty rolls her eyes. “You know I don’t care about that. How did your whole fake-dating shit go?”

They exchange a glance.

“Fine,” Erin says. “We showed up Norbert Bottomley.”

“Oh, come on,” Abby says. “You’re telling me you pretended to date for four days and _nothing_ happened?”

“Pretty much,” Holtz says. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“This is bullshit,” Patty says grumpily.

Holtz pats her on the arm. “You’ll get over it.” She stretches her arms overhead, then yawns. “I’m gonna go take a peek at the lab real quick before I go home.”

“I’ll come with you,” Erin says quickly.

“Oh, _come on,”_ she hears Patty say behind them as they run up the stairs together.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Abby says.

 

Upstairs, Holtz flits around, checking on various machines.

“Well, I guess that’s over,” Erin says casually. “We successfully—or semi-successfully—convinced everyone that we were a couple.”

Holtz looks over her shoulder with a smile. “You did good, Gilbert. It has been a pleasure fake-dating you.”

Erin watches her dance around the lab. She rubs her arm. “Hey, Holtz?”

“Mmm?”

“Did you really tell everyone last year that I was your girlfriend?”

Holtz pauses. “Uhh…”

“It’s okay if you did,” Erin says quickly.

Holtz scratches her ear. “Then yeah, I did.”

“Why?”

“Same reason I did it this time,” Holtz says. “To impress everyone.”

“I’m not that impressive,” Erin mutters.

Holtz takes a step towards her. “You don’t believe that, do you?”

Erin shrugs. “I mean, come on. I’m no Dr. Pernille Beck or Dr. Amélie Brosseau.”

“No, you’re not,” Holtz agrees. “You’re Dr. Erin Gilbert, and they don’t hold a candle to you.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not,” Holtz says. She gives a sort of sad half-smile. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Don’t get what?”

“How incredible you are. Shit, Erin, if I had my pick of every scientist in the world to date, hell, every _person,_ I’d choose you every time. Hands down.”

“To fake-date, you mean?”

Holtz holds her gaze. “No, Erin.”

Erin’s heart stops.

“What do you mean?”

Holtz shakes her head, still smiling. “You’ll figure it out. You’re smart.”

Erin twists her hands nervously. “Holtz.”

“Yeah?”

“In the bar. With Norbert Bottomley.”

Holtz rolls her eyes. “Don’t remind me.”

“Those things you said to him. About me.”

“Meant every word of them,” Holtz says immediately.

“But, you…you said…”

Holtz raises an eyebrow.

“You said you were in love with me,” Erin whispers.

“I know.”

“You meant that?”

“Every word,” Holtz repeats, voice firm but gentle all the same.

Erin digests that.

“How long?” she gets out, voice shaking.

“Sorry?”

“How long?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“I dunno,” Holtz says. “I guess it just sorta snuck up on me,” she echoes, the same sad smile on her face.

“Okay,” Erin breathes.

“I’m sorry,” Holtz says. “Patty told me to tell you ages ago but I ignored her. Thought it was probably for the best.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Sorry. I’m just…trying to figure out what this means.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“No.” Erin screws her eyes closed, balling up her fists and exhaling. “It does mean something, though. The past few days have meant something. _This_ means something.”

She opens her eyes. Holtz is watching her.

Erin presses her fingers to her temples. “I left on Thursday as a straight woman doing a friend a favour.”

“Ehhhhh…”

Erin holds up a hand to silence her. “I _thought_ I was straight. Whatever. And then suddenly we’re flying to Copenhagen and you’re touching me and we’re sleeping in a bed together like lovers and you’re flirting with me in front of strangers—”

“I’ve always done that.”

“ _Shush._ I’m _thinking.”_

Holtz quiets.

“And then you’re walking around in that _fucking suit_ and touching my thigh under the table— _yeah,_ I noticed that, were you ever planning on _mentioning_ it?”

Holtz looks like she’s holding back laughter.

“And then our cover is blown and I have to _kiss you,_ and I do it without even _thinking_ about it, and I realize that all I want to do is do it _again._ And then you’re sitting there telling this _man_ that you’re in love with me and I’m _everything_ to you, and then you’re _kissing me_ like…” Erin falters, looking for the words. “You’re kissing me and making me feel like I’ve never felt in my entire life. Making me feel everything that you’re supposed to feel when someone kisses you.”

Holtz’s face softens, her head tilted slightly to the side.

“And then you’re trying to convince me that it was a mistake,” Erin says quietly. “And you’re retreating before I even have a chance to process. And then you’re making me feel like it’s okay, it’s okay if I’m not straight, it’s _okay.”_ She swallows. “And you’re dancing with me, and I find myself wondering how you say _I love you_ in Danish.”

Holtz takes a step closer.

“And now,” Erin says. “Now you’re standing in front of me and telling me that you’re in love with me, that you have been for a long time, and I—”

Holtz waits.

“I’m not scared,” Erin whispers.

Holtz’s eyes are clear, honest. “Kiss me?”

It’s Erin’s turn to step forward. She takes Holtz’s hands in hers and stares down at them, biting her lip.

“It’s okay,” Holtz urges softly.

Erin smiles and slowly looks up. “Before I do...”

“Anything,” Holtz says instantly. “Anything you need.”

Erin lifts her chin. “I need you to be my girlfriend.”

A smile spreads on Holtz’s face. “Easiest yes ever.”

That’s all Erin needed to hear.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and indulging me in this garbage! :D if you have any suggestions on what i should write next, [hit me up](http://jillbert.tumblr.com). or just hit me up anyway because i like having friends lol


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